


Dance: a Countdown

by jadeswallow



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-08
Updated: 2015-07-08
Packaged: 2018-04-08 07:32:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4296093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jadeswallow/pseuds/jadeswallow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Meisa’s life was a mixture of many things: giant tree, weddings, dances, friendship, and most importantly, hidden feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dance: a Countdown

**Author's Note:**

  * For [natsunonamae](https://archiveofourown.org/users/natsunonamae/gifts).



> Written for for 's fic exchange. Originally posted [HERE](http://je-whiteday.livejournal.com/50955.html).
> 
> I’m aware people will be hesitant to read this because oh look, the pairings!  
> For my excuse, I have written this halfway when Jin/Meisa got married and this fic is fortunately AU so we can all pretend Meisa and Jin never happened in this universe.

_{An hour and a half before}_  
  
Someone knocked at the door and Meisa spun her body around to check her reflection in the mirror.  
  
Okay, her dress looked good and her make-up was fine. She was ready.  
  
Nino took a peek from behind the door and Meisa smiled, gesturing him inside. She tidied up the flowers and checked her lists for the last time while he just stood there, trying to choose his words.  
  
“Meisa, I...”  
  
Meisa shushed him and kissed his cheek. “Don’t ruin the moment.”  
  
  
  
  
_{Fourteen years before}_  
  
Meisa dreamt of weddings ever since she was a little girl  
  
It was the invitations, the thick envelopes with the couples’ initials written in gold ink. It was the decorations, the white table cloths and flowers in the vases and cards with guests’ names on top of the plates.  
  
It was the white dress with the long train and the frills and the sequins and the way it swept over the floor when the bride walked to the altar. It was the bride’s red-lipstick lips that curled into a shy smile when the veil was opened, the sharp-looking tuxedo, and the clean-shaven jaw of the groom. It was the way the couple said,  _‘I do’_ and the kiss after the priest’s announcement.  
  
Most importantly, it was the dance after the ceremony, the loving glances between the couple as they swung their bodies to the music, forgetting about everything else.  
  
When she was young, she would drag her father for a dance alongside the couple. The guests would comment on how cute she was and the bride would bow down and kiss her cheek, promising that she, too, would get her own wedding someday.  
  
  
  
  
_{Sixteen years before}_  
  
“What are you doing?”  
  
Meisa stopped. She turned around and saw a boy sitting on a rock, cupping his face. Meisa recognized him as the boy who just moved in last week to the house next door. His eyes were staring right into Meisa, making her blush.  
  
“Nothing.” Meisa tried to lie.  
  
The boy was not fooled. “You’re dancing.”  
  
Meisa pouted. This was her special place, her old tree. The tree was not that huge, but for an eight-year-old, it was gigantic, the perfect playground ever existed. She was playing around it, tip-toeing on its roots, circling it, jumping up and down and spinning her body on the field in front of it. She was pretending that it was a dance floor and she was the bride, dancing her first dance after the wedding.  
  
Meisa struggled to hold back her shame, wishing the boy would just go away. The tree was closer to her house than his, it was practically hers.  
  
The boy stayed silent for a while, and Meisa thought he had gone. He hadn’t. The boy stepped closer instead, one hand reaching out to Meisa. “Dance with me.”  
  
Meisa blinked. “I’m sorry?”  
  
The boy grinned. “I’m Nino, by the way. What’s your name?”  
  
It was completely irrational, how Meisa agreed to dance with a stranger below a giant tree, but she didn’t regret it. There was something in the way he spoke and the way he stared, a charm that had pulled Meisa in. It was the start.  
  
  
  
  
_{Fifteen years before}_  
  
“...but you always stepped on my foot.”  
  
“I did not.”  
  
“Yes, you did.”  
  
“Did not.”  
  
“Did.”  
  
“That’s because you’re such a terrible teacher.”  
  
“Ha, you admitted that you did.”  
  
“...”  
  
“...”  
  
“What now?”  
  
“There’re other things to do besides dancing.”  
  
“Like what?”  
  
“I don’t know. The tree is huuuuge. It could be our headquarters.”  
  
“Great, I’ll be the pirate captain.”  
  
“No, I’ll be one.”  
  
“But you’re a girl!”  
  
“I’m still a better dancer.”  
  
“How is this and that related?”  
  
“...you stepped on my foot.”  
  
“Did not.”  
  
  
  
  
_{Twelve years before}_  
  
Meisa decided that they should stop dancing when they were twelve. She would have liked to explain that it was because their classmates were starting to realize how they always together near the tree; some openly asked her about it and some tried to follow them before Meisa shoved all of them away. She would have liked to reason that they were going to high school and it was time to grow up.  
  
Meisa was young, she didn’t know what embarrassed her every time someone mentioned about how close she and Nino were, she didn’t know what made her cheeks blush when she looked at Nino when they were dancing. It was a weird feeling and Meisa simply wished it would stop. She didn’t want anyone to know about their special place, she didn’t want anyone to know about their dance.  
  
When she announced her decision to her best friend, Nino barely looked up from his book as he hummed his agreement. Meisa felt a tingle of disappointment.  
  
Okay, she lied; she knew perfectly well the name of her feelings. She just didn’t want to face it. Meisa turned back, wishing that Nino had put up any little protest instead of giving consent so easily.  
  
  
  
  
_{Six and a half years before}_  
  
“I heard you’re going out with Jun.” Nino stated when he found Meisa curling behind the tree.  
  
Meisa opened her eyes, peeking. “He asked me out, but I haven’t replied.”  
  
“Ah,” Nino scrunched his nose. “I was thinking about having a double date.”  
  
“Double date?” Meisa sat up, thoroughly curious. “I don’t know you have a girlfriend.”  
  
“Not now, but soon.” Nino retorted, somewhat sounded more certain than usual.  
  
“Who?”  
  
“Masami.”  
  
“The new girl from next class?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
Meisa thought carefully for few seconds, flexing her fingers. She took a deep breath, then another. “I think I’m going to say yes to Jun.”  
  
  
  
  
_{Six years before}_  
  
Ironically, Jun was the first one who realized it. There was a party in Sho’s backyard, Aiba sneaked out some booze and everyone got a little bit drunk.  
  
Jun’s hand was tangled into hers and Meisa let him.  
  
He was whispering words in her ear when someone, no, two people arrived, and she suddenly stiffen. Jun made a comment about the couple and Meisa tried to laugh, but Jun looked at her with an unspoken question in his eyes and Meisa knew it came out not convincing at all. She let her hand slip away.  
  
Jun made a noise and when she looked up, she saw that the question had evolved into somewhat of an understanding. Meisa closed her eyes, not knowing if she preferred if Jun were too drunk to remember it the next day or not.  
  
Jun was gracious enough not to say anything, but when Meisa saw him off, he faced her and said, “I think we should end this.”  
  
Meisa’s lips trembled a bit but she nodded. Jun told her that he would be the one who explained things and Meisa panicked for a moment before Jun patted her head. When Meisa saw Jun’s reassuring smile, she wanted to cry but she couldn’t. She told him that she was sorry and Jun drove off.  
  
  
  
  
_{Four years before}_  
  
Meisa wished a broken heart was as harmless as cramps. The tingling sensation in her feet – or in this case, her heart – that annoyed her for a moment or two but vanished as fast as it came.  
  
It was not.  
  
She got the stabbing pain in her chest instead, the hurt that made her smile turned into grimace and her eyes lose their light, the thoughts that made her mind blank for a while because, oh, it was so much better when she didn’t have to think about it.  
  
Nino and Meisa went to the same university and sometimes, when they walked to class together, he would point a huge tree on the campus ground and remarked proudly, “It is not as big as our tree.”  
  
Nino was still with Masami and Meisa’s heart was still broken.  
  
  
  
  
_{Three years before}_  
  
Aiba called Meisa on one stormy night, persuading her to meet him up in a cafe nearby. When Meisa arrived, he and Asami had already ordered three cups of coffee, chatting in hushed tones.  
  
Meisa slipped into the seat across them and was surprised to see their strained faces. She decided to wait.  
  
Asami tapped her hand and greeted her cheerfully. “We ordered the coffee for you.”  
  
“Thanks.” Meisa smiled back. She held the cup as tight as she could, mentally hoping the warmth would be transferred quicker.  
  
Aiba played with his cup, Asami looked at her nails, and Meisa’s eyes shifted from one friend to the next. Pulling up her courage, she asked, “Has something happened?”  
  
“Well...” Aiba began. He glanced at Asami, and it was only after his girlfriend nodded that he continued, “I was drinking with Jun the other night when...”  
  
Meisa raised her eyebrow, expecting more.  
  
“Jun was drunk and he accidentally slipped out that...” Asami tried to elaborate.  
  
“Ah,” Meisa nodded, understanding where this conversation would lead too. She decided to save the awkwardness for everyone. “There’s nothing to talk about.”  
  
Really, there was nothing. Nino and Masami had lasted longer than she thought they ever would. Meisa wished she could hate them, but hate was such a strong word and Masami was endearing. She truly cared for Nino, and Nino, he loved her, no one knew that fact more than Meisa, his best friend.  
  
There were times when she wished she didn’t care as much, but there was no off button for feelings and Meisa’s longing had gone on for years. She was kind of used to it, actually. It was almost her norm.  
  
“Are you sure? It’s probably not too late now.” Aiba made a concerned face but Meisa knew it was just a hypothetical remark. Asami knew better and held Meisa’s hand, whispering, “I’m sorry.”  
  
Meisa sighed. “Don’t be. They are happy together.”  
  
  
  
  
_{A year and a half before}_  
  
The thing about hiding your feelings was, Meisa mused, no one told her that it could be painfully long.  
  
Nino still talked to her over the phone sometimes, when he was not too busy with life, work, or his girlfriend. Masami was doing well, they were still pretty much in love, and they couldn’t wait to catch up with her when there was an empty slot in her hectic schedule.  
  
Meisa was busy indeed. Dreams were meant to be fulfilled and so she insisted on becoming a wedding planner. Grown up lives were hard, but it was good to see how fairytales could come true for a day, even if her own wish would never be realized. Meisa’s hope was destroyed when Nino introduced Masami, and crumbled a little bit more every time she heard Masami’s voice in the background of their phone talks.  
  
Life was steady, nothing much happening, when one of her customers wanted a special drawing in her wedding invitations. She went looking for the artist, first to his showroom then to his house then to his workshop, because no one seemed to be exactly sure where he was. It couldn’t be helped that Meisa’s first impression of the artist was some kind of an odd, annoying hermit.  
  
She was about to give up when a wall of painting greeted her in the front of the workshop. Doodles and vibrant colors and little random shapes, paints and strings and paper and bottle caps and other random objects building up a giant bizarre art, throwing her unbalanced and captivating her.  
  
Meisa took a step back from the art when a man with burnt skin and round cheeks showed up, his clothes had paint splashes all over them and he blinked when he saw her. Meisa asked him what the art meant and the artist, Ohno, answered that it was life.  
  
  
  
  
_{A year before}_  
  
Four weddings after and Meisa sort of forcing Ohno to sign the contract stating he would only draw cards for her company. Ohno was quiet but professional, always listening considerately and coming out with designs that suited every couple’s need, and Meisa agreed that his designs truly added a personal touch to weddings.  
  
They celebrated with snacks and beers at Ohno’s showroom, accompanied by the familiar smell of paint and glue. Ohno accidentally used the contract to rub off the stains in his hand. Meisa’s brows furrowed but Ohno laughed and drew two cups with smiley faces at the corner of the paper. Meisa noted that it could be the design for their next wedding invitations and Ohno grinned sheepishly.  
  
Meisa sighed, letting Ohno sketch all over their beer glasses: a wedding gown and a champagne glass and black roses for Meisa’s, brushes and pencils and random art objects for Ohno’s, claiming that from now on it would only be used for celebration.  
  
“What about the empty space? There are still plenty of them left.” Meisa pointed out.  
  
“We can fill it later, with new things.” Ohno replied softly.  
  
They accidentally looked at each other’s eyes. Meisa bowed her head, checking the cups. When she looked back, Ohno was still smiling.  
  
  
  
  
_{Eight months before}_  
  
Nino and Masami announced their marriage plan at Sho’s birthday party. There was no more perfect time as the bar was filled with their childhood friends. Meisa was sitting at a table with Aiba and Asami, with Sho and his new girlfriend Keiko, when Nino and Masami stormed into the room, holding hands.  
  
Asami pointed out the matching ring and Nino told them the news. The room went into a wide pause before everyone was yelling and shouting their congratulations, patting Nino’s back and shaking Masami’s hand. Sho was the loudest of them all, protesting about how Nino always knew the best way to ruin his moments. Judging from how wide his smile was, he didn’t actually mind it.  
  
Meisa‘s glass was almost fell off her hands when Masami was suddenly beside her, squeezing her shoulder. Meisa almost shrugged her off – almost. She felt numb; drown by the cheering around her. The next thing she knew, the word ‘congratulations’ had escaped her lips and Masami was smiling widely at her. Meisa hugged her and Masami whispered in her ear, “Meisa, could you be our wedding planner?”  
  
Meisa lifted her head up and saw Nino struggling to escape Aiba’s hug. Nino’s eyes met her. He grinned and Meisa was suddenly ten years old again, Nino waiting for her behind the giant tree.  
  
“I’d love to.” Meisa tightened her embrace, wondering why the words didn’t tear her apart like it was supposed to.  
  
  
  
  
_{Eight months before}_  
  
Meisa arrived at the club alone with one goal: ignoring her broken heart for a night. She sneaked out from the bar where everyone was still cheering for the soon-to-be-married couple.  
  
She was feeling dizzy, overwhelmed with the news and merry atmosphere. She told Asami that she was not feeling well and Asami almost wanted to go with her, but Meisa stopped her. A club was the perfect place she needed to just forget everything for a moment.  
  
The crowd was really loud that night, gathering on one side of the room, applauding and circling a dancer. Meisa tried to get in front for a better look, prying. She held her gasp when she realized who he was.  
  
The lights were on Ohno as he moved to the rhythm, swaying his hips and throwing back his head, swinging his feet to the beat, showing a wild side of him Meisa would never guess he had.  
  
The music was loud and everyone was screaming but Ohno didn’t seem to notice, sweats running down his neck, and for him there was just him, the music, and the dances. All signs of Ohno the quiet calming artist were gone and Meisa failed miserably not to be impressed.  
  
The music paused, and he stopped, the crowd going crazy, but Ohno the dancer pushed through the crowds and slipped his body through the back door. Meisa mulled over for a split second before following him, finding Ohno outside with his back on the wall, cigarette in hand.  
  
“Hey.”  
  
Ohno looked at her once and again, a little bit surprised.  
  
“Hey,” Ohno waved a little. There was something comforting in his smile that assured Meisa it was still the same Ohno. Ohno, her artistic hermit.  
  
“So,” Meisa leaned her back beside Ohno, slightly wondering why it was so easy to secretly claim Ohno as hers. “I didn’t know you dance.”  
  
“Sometimes.” Ohno shrugged, his breathing was still heavy. “Not so often anymore.”  
  
“And why is that?” Meisa stole the cigarette. Ohno lit it. His lighter was covered with drawings and Meisa smiled, strangely proud to know that side of him.  
  
“Hmm.” Ohno merely hummed. “Because.”  
  
Meisa flipped the cigarettes in hand, searching for words to say next. “You should dance at the weddings sometimes.”  
  
“Ah,” Ohno exhaled. “Perhaps we should dance together.”  
  
“No.” Meisa’s reply sounded harsher than she meant it to. “I’m sorry. I don’t do couple dances. Not at weddings, no.”  
  
Ohno tilted his head, his voice was low. “Because?”  
  
Meisa whispered back. “Yes, because.”  
  
Ohno was looking straight into her eyes but the thing about Ohno was, he didn’t ask more questions when he was not expected to, and Meisa kind of like that attitude. A lot.  
  
She bit her lip, put off the cigarette, and kissed Ohno’s cheek quickly before she changed her mind.  
  
Ohno’s mouth formed an ‘O’ and Meisa found it confusing, how he managed to look hot and cute and the same time, sweating with mouth opened like that.  
  
“It’s a thank you. I want to forget something tonight and your dancing did precisely that.” Meisa flustered, hastily giving her reason. “So there, thanks.”  
  
“Ah,” Ohno’s hand was still on his cheek. “You’re welcome, I guess.”  
  
Meisa crossed her hands, trying to conjure up something to talk about because suddenly she realized how close Ohno was, so close that she could hear his breathing going steady, so close that Meisa could watch his drops of sweat flowed from his shoulder to his collarbone. Ohno was trying to say something when Meisa quickly blurted out the first sentence in her mind. “I have a new wedding we should work on to, my best friend’s.”  
  
  
  
  
_{Seven months before}_  
  
Nino and Masami wanted to hold the wedding in their hometown, below the tree. Masami fancied a garden party and Nino stressed out how they would only invited people who mattered.  
  
Make it small-scale, Meisa, a small party, he repeated again and again and Meisa would quip how generous he was for his own wedding. Then their usual bantering started only to be broken off when Masami pulled his fiancée to sit quietly next to her.  
  
Masami hid half of her face behind a bridal magazine, the engagement ring positioned firmly in her finger. Meisa watched as their bodies leaned against each other, Nino’s hand settled on her knees and his lips next to Masami’s ear, whispering things that made his fiancée’s cheeks blush prettily. They looked honestly happy and Meisa felt a familiar stabbing feeling she had known too well.  
  
She went to Ohno’s place next, dumping ideas for the wedding and harshly instructed him to work on them. Ohno touched her elbows and tilted his head, asking her to sit down and Meisa suddenly felt ashamed. She sat and Ohno brought their usual cups.  
  
“I thought the cups are only for celebration.”  
  
“Well,” Ohno rubbed his chin. “We could celebrate the sunny weather.”  
  
Meisa giggled, her first in a tough week.  
  
Ohno was almost her assistant lately, helping her picking up the flowers and the food and everything else when Meisa was too mentally exhausted to choose. Their elbows bumped on the table but Meisa didn’t pull back. It felt soothing, sitting next to each other to discuss the theme and the invitation’s design. She wondered silently why she never had those moments with Nino.  
  
Meisa didn’t know why but she suddenly whispered the reason why she didn’t want to do couple dances. “It’s a secret promise I made to myself.”  
  
  
  
  
_{Six months before}_  
  
“...and that’s how I met Nino, my best friend.” Meisa said it like an announcement. She was feeling a little tipsy, and she probably shouldn’t tell this to Ohno because she never told it to anyone else before. It was okay though, it always was okay with Ohno.  
  
“That’s our first dance. We danced many times after that though, before we decided it was a silly thing to do, a girl and a boy dancing together below a giant tree.”  
  
Ohno looked at her with unwavering eyes. “Is this the same tree where the wedding will be held?”  
  
Meisa didn’t have to answer.  
  
  
  
  
_{Four months before}_  
  
All the preparations were almost complete. Together Meisa and Masami had decided on the wedding dress, the food that would be served, the centerpieces and tableware, the flowers and decorations for the wedding. As a bonus, Ohno would draw their faces for the background of the reception. The date was getting nearer and Meisa was delighted with their progress.  
  
They were in Ohno’s showroom, discussing the final design for the invitation, currently settled on a drawing of couples below the tree, kissing, on the corner of the ivory envelopes. It’s funny; Meisa reflected as she glanced at the caricatures, it could be her and Nino too.  
  
When Ohno stood up, Masami played around with the paper. “I don’t think this will ever come true. This wedding.”  
  
Meisa chuckled quietly. “Don’t worry. You and Nino have been going out for years. It’s bound to happen.”  
  
“I’m sorry that we choose the tree as the location. Nino said it’s a perfect place.”  
  
Meisa lifted her head and wondering for a second what reply she should gave her, but Masami was still smiling, and Meisa didn’t have the heart to ruin her happiness.  
  
Ohno was walking across the room, hugging rolls of papers as tall as he was in one hand and their cups in the other. Meisa’s eyes went to the drawings in the cup. She was pretty pleased with herself for successfully going through this, but Ohno being there was the reason why she didn’t quit.  
  
She looked at him when she whispered the answer. “It certainly is. The perfect place.”  
  
  
  
  
_{Three months before}_  
  
“Do you think I’m silly, agreeing to organize this wedding?”  
  
Ohno was sitting beside her on the couch, their feet touched below the blanket. It was raining outside and Meisa couldn’t get back home, so she stayed, using the beer as an excuse, when really, she actually had enjoyed all those moments with Ohno a little bit too much.  
  
He leaned closer and Meisa could see he pondered about the next words carefully. “I think it’s wonderful to stay in love for such a long time.”  
  
Meisa watched the water droplets on the window, sliding down the glass like professional skaters in a race. Was it nice to be water, she thought, incapable of feeling hurt? Ohno tilted his head to one side, and his smile was so kind it made Meisa wanted to spill something she had kept in her mind for years. She gazed at the drawings on her cup and started.  
  
“I’m always haunted by the idea that I will never forget. Perhaps it’s all just an excuse to not letting go. Life is long, to not move on is impractical, but it’s surprisingly comfortable, isn’t it, to be miserable?”  
  
There she said it, not pausing for a bit. She took a glance at Ohno. The words sounded stupid out loud. Perhaps that’s why people believed some things were better unsaid.  
  
When Meisa worried, Ohno didn’t think as much. He simply nodded. “Isn’t it fine, not to let go?”  
  
Meisa blinked, caught off-guard.  
  
Ohno continued like he didn’t notice. “I can’t say it nicely, but love is love, isn’t it? I think it’s important, to preserve the feeling and not forget it, to remember about love. It’s amazing, how you are able to do it.”  
  
Meisa pondered for a while before she asked her next question. “Do you have a similar experience in the past?”  
  
“She was the reason behind my dancing.” Ohno shrugged, almost absent-mindedly, but Meisa noticed a quaver in his voice when he said it.  
  
“Where is she now?” Meisa asked softly. She knew somehow, that it was okay to question it.  
  
“She passed away.” Ohno pointed out at the art in front of the workshop, the art that had captivated her and convinced her to try working with him. “We used to work on that together, adding every little bit of our lives into it.”  
  
Meisa looked back at the art, remembering Ohno’s answer the first day they met.  _‘It’s life’_ , he had said.  
  
“I’m sorry.”  
  
“It’s okay.” Ohno mumbled. “Life goes on. You’ll learn to stop holding on to the past one day.” He turned his head at Meisa and smiled, sliding himself into the blanket again. “Tell me why you love weddings.”  
  
“Technically I love everything about weddings, but...” She lowered her voice, saying it like a secret. “It’s actually the dance.”  
  
Ohno set his cup on the coffee table, listening attentively.  
  
Meisa’s lips broke into a smile, her eyes wandering. “After the wedding, the music starts playing and the newlyweds go to the dance floor, swaying their bodies to the music and embracing each other, eyes never leaving their partner’s, their lips whispering promises and secrets only they could hear. For a moment, I feel like they just forget about everything else but each other.”  
  
Ohno looked at her properly now, humming his understanding.  
  
Meisa sipped her beer. “For me, a couple dance feels like a sacred activity, one you should do only with those you truly love.”  
  
It was his turn to smile and sip his beer. Meisa looked at the rain outside, unconciously touching her feet to Ohno’s.  
  
They were in the middle of comfortable pause when Ohno suddenly jumped from the couch. Before Meisa could prevent him, he had switched the radio on. Some random hip-hop music was playing loudly and Ohno looked at it disappointingly for a second, pouting.  
  
Meisa threw her head laughing, and Ohno pulled her, wiggling his eyebrows and looking at her expectantly. “Dance with me?”  
  
“I’m not doing a couple dance...”  
  
“We can jump instead. It’s not a couple dance then.” Ohno had this look of determination on his face and Meisa knew he wouldn’t take no for an answer. He went to the middle of the room, walking in style, and started jumping wildly, shaking his body to the music as if he couldn’t dance.  
  
Meisa almost choked of laughter, but couldn’t help not to follow. It was a different kind of dance with Ohno, but it was fine.  
  
  
  
  
_{A month before}_  
  
“I don’t even know if it’s the right thing to do anymore.” Nino showed up in Meisa’s apartment with dark circles under his eyes, fidgeting.  
  
“What thing?” Meisa passed him the coffee, seriously considering trading it to warm milk.  
  
“The marriage.”  
  
Meisa’s eyes went wide. “Nino, I have planned your wedding for seven months, ordering the food and selecting the flowers and discussing the decoration and mulled over every single little details. Don’t you dare tell me that you are going to cancel it!”  
  
Nino grabbed Meisa’s pillow and pulled his feet up to the couch, curling. “I’m not saying I will. Gee, Meisa, you’re supposed to ask me what is wrong.”  
  
Meisa pushed Nino to scoot over and sat beside him. “What’s wrong?”  
  
“I don’t know. Perhaps I asked too soon. I mean, we’re still young, too young, and we’ve never been with other people. Two nights ago we had a fight and she threw the frame at me, you know souvenir samples for our wedding, and she said that perhaps she’s making a mistake, accepting my proposal.” Nino’s explanation came out too quickly, fast-paced and without a pause. Looking truthfully distressed, he added, “Maybe she’s right and we shouldn’t get married.”  
  
Meisa’s tried to hold on, but heart fluttered for a second. This is the worst kind of position. If only he knew, she would be his last option to talk to.  
  
Shutting her feelings off, she buried herself in her coffee.  
  
Nino rubbed his face. “Tell me I’m not screwing this up.”  
  
Meisa didn’t respond.  
  
  
  
  
_{Three weeks before}_  
  
She told Asami about Nino and Masami’s fight over the phone, promising to kill them if they actually cancelled the wedding after all of her hard works. She was busy complaining about how difficult it was to transform the field into a place for a party when Asami cut her.  
  
“What will you do if they actually call the wedding off?”  
  
Meisa was speechless for a moment. She remembered fantasizing about it too many times throughout the years – Nino and Masami’s break-up. When it was probably happening, Meisa only sensed how wrong it was.  
  
  
  
  
_{Two weeks before}_  
  
Meisa went home to find Nino on her doorstep, stepping from one foot to the other and back again.  
  
“Nino.”  
  
Nino stopped. He said nothing but jerked his head at the door. Meisa felt a knot in her stomach, wondering what the problem was, if Nino was going to cancel the wedding or not, and if this feeling she was having was disappointment or joy or both or neither.  
  
She unlocked the door and Nino slipped in first.  
  
“It’s sweet of you to wait outside for me, but why?” Meisa tried to sound nonchalant, but her shaken voice betrayed her. She hung her coat and was pulling off her shoes when Nino reported to her, voice flat, “I had a drink with Aiba last night.”  
  
Meisa wanted to ask how could this and that relate when she looked up and noticed the solemn look on Nino’s face and the pattern of where the conversation could be heading. Her frantic mind thought,  _no, it can’t be, not now, not now, not now_ , but Nino’s next words proved her fears.  
  
“He accidentally told me about the crush you have that supposedly has been going on for years.” Nino paused a bit, struggling to get his words out. “A crush on me.”  
  
Meisa’s shoes fell to the floor with a loud thud.  
  
Neither moved.  
  
_No_ , Meisa wanted to scream,  _no, you will be married in two weeks and this is not happening, no_ , but when she opened her mouth, her tongue was numbed and what came out was random gibberish that sounded like a mix of  _‘yes’, ‘I do’, ‘why’_ , and  _‘no_ ’. Meisa’s head was spinning.  
  
“Since when?”  
  
Meisa wished a random hole would pop up and swallowed her whole, but Nino was there in front of her, waiting, and there was no way to escape. Meisa heard her voice answering, “Forever.”  
  
For a second, Nino looked horror-struck. He pulled his hair, brows furrowed, face pale. Sixteen years together and Meisa had never seen him looking more upset. “Damn it, Meisa!” He kicked a chair nearby, raising his voice.  
  
“Why are you mad at me?” Meisa shouted, half scared and half angry. She had imagined several different scenarios of Nino’s response when he found out about her feelings, but anger was not one of them. It was upsetting, really, but then again, the whole situation was displeasing.  
  
“Because,” Nino approached her. Meisa instinctively took a step back.  
  
His expression was something Meisa never saw on him before. A blend of surprise, confusion, guilt, hurt, anger, sadness, disappointment and on top of everything, longing.  
  
Meisa held her breath. The pause was almost intolerable.  
  
“Because if you had just said it, things would be different. Because I was in love with you and for years I thought it was unreturned.”  
  
If this was a dream, Meisa would like to wake up now. She was suddenly eight years old again, clueless of how to reply the boy in front of her. “No.”  
  
Nino sat on the chair, gritting his teeth. “Yes.”  
  
“No. You did not just say that.”  
  
“Yes, I did.”  
  
“Did not.”  
  
“Did.”  
  
“Did not.”  
  
“Did.”  
  
Meisa’s mouth was dry. “Since when?”  
  
“From the first moment we met.” His voice was thick with despair and Meisa stood there puzzled, unable to process the conversation.  
  
“But you were with her.” Meisa reasoned as Nino stared at one of the frames in the table. A picture of her, Nino, and Masami; taken just a week after they started dating. Meisa remembered how difficult it was to smile, the same feeling she was having after just hearing Nino’s confession.  
  
“You didn’t want to dance with me, you were embarrassed to be with me, for years I couldn’t seem to get into your heart and then I heard you were with Jun and you didn’t say anything when I said I wanted to go out with Masami and you still didn’t say anything even after I got into a relationship and so I thought....”  
  
Nino stopped. He didn’t need to continue. They both know how they ended up. Nino was two weeks away from his wedding and Meisa had never found anyone else good enough to fall in love with the way she had always been about him.  
  
Meisa closed her eyes. Sixteen years of memories flooded her mind and she wanted to choke. There was a limit in things she could handle and Meisa was sure that this was it. Loving Nino was easy; finding out how they had accidentally wronged each other was not.  
  
She spun on her heels and for once, she didn’t pretend to be strong. She ran instead.  
  
  
  
  
_{One week before}_  
  
Meisa hadn’t seen Nino since. She found a hiding place in Aiba and Asami’s place – Asami sheltered her in and kicked Aiba to Sho’s – spending the week getting angry at herself, at Nino, at the situation, at the wedding, at the past, at Masami, at their friendship, at the dances, at Jun, at the giant tree, at everything.  
  
The wedding was one week away and it was put to a halt. Everyone involved kept sending messages to her and Meisa tried to handle them as best as she could. Clearly she had been in a better situation.  
  
Asami was with her when Sho called to tell the news. Masami passed out and was taken to the hospital.  
  
  
  
  
_{One week before}_  
  
“I’m going to be a father.” Nino said when they arrived, blunt and astounded.  
  
Sho blinked, Aiba squealed, Asami congratulated him, but Nino’s eyes were on Meisa.  
  
“Congratulations,” Meisa managed to whisper.  
  
  
  
  
_{Six days before}_  
  
“I should’ve said it.” The words were whispered out of the blue, startling her.  
  
Nino crossed his hands, eyes on the floor; and Meisa contemplated about how inappropriate it was, discussing sixteen years of love and friendship in a hospital alley, particularly with someone whose fiancée was laying in the room behind them, pregnant.  
  
Nino was looking at her with lingering grief in his eyes and Meisa tried to breathe. It was a lousy conversation starter, but Meisa knew he was waiting for a response.  
  
This was not a competition, this was not revenge, this was Nino, her best friend, and Meisa was as much at fault. She had waited for the perfect moment her whole life and it never came.  
  
“I should’ve said it too.” She murmured the words after a quiet.  
  
After all, perfect moment was made, not existing on its own.  
  
“I love her.” Nino declared next, saying it like it was a rule, a norm, an obligation. After a beat, the muscle in his face eased up and he spoke softer. “I always have since we were eighteen and I gave up on you.”  
  
Meisa didn’t need Nino to tell her that. If there was nothing between Nino and Masami, she would be able to do something, anything, most probably plucking up her courage and confessing her feelings straightforwardly. But the fact was, Meisa bit her lips, there was love. Six years of it and more years to come.  
  
Nino’s confession was still ringing in her ears, and Meisa’s heart tingled a bit. Still, there was no changing the past. The fact was, neither of them said it. It could have been different if they had found out earlier but at this point, it was far, far too late. Life went on and she would learn to stop holding on. Perhaps today was the time, six days earlier than her plan.  
  
Meisa thought of Ohno.  
  
“Someone told me that it was a wonderful thing to stay so long in love, but I’d have actually fallen out of it a long time ago if I wasn’t too stubborn to let go.”  
  
Nino tried to say something but Meisa was quicker. She swallowed and touched her best friend’s hands, and for a moment it seemed that their minds were in sync, thinking about things that had gone wrong. Or perhaps things that went exactly as it should be. “We are always together. We should be able to tell each other everything. The fact that we didn’t,” she tensed, letting out the words that had been kept too long in her heart, “was possibly because we’re not meant to be.”  
  
There, she said it. Meisa didn’t actually feel any lighter, but it was fine. She would be alright, eventually.  
  
Nino gave her a thoughtful look. “We can’t change the past.”  
  
“Yeah. Now we’re starting to make sense.”  
  
Nino stared at her with the same expression he had used for years and Meisa was finally sure that above everything else that had changed, their friendship was not one of them.  
  
“Are we good now?”  
  
Her smile was genuine. “Always have been.”  
  
  
  
  
_{Three hours before}_  
  
The tableware was set, Ohno’s drawing and the reception’s tables had been positioned, Nino and Masami’s photos had been hung, the food was ready, the chairs were placed according to the layout, and everything else had gone according to plan except one thing. The truck that was supposed to deliver the flowers for the centerpieces was trapped in an accident and couldn’t arrive on time.  
  
Masami chewed her lips nervously; hand unconsciously touching her stomach in a protective gesture while Meisa was busy making phone calls, trying to find a solution. She had promised Masami the most beautiful wedding ever and she would hate to break that promise over one damn truck of flowers.  
  
Ohno entered the room with a few small branches and small wild flowers in hand, offering a solution. “I have some ribbons left. We could just tie these short branches together with the flowers and use them as centerpieces.”  
  
Masami clapped her hands cheerfully and Meisa sighed, finally relaxed. “Ohno, what would I do without you?”  
  
When Ohno’s face lightened up, she realized that she really meant what she had said.  
  
  
  
  
_{An hour before}_  
  
“I do.”  
  
Meisa watched as Nino captured Masami’s lips into a kiss, pulling her into a tight embrace. His hand shifted to her stomach and Meisa exchanged knowing glances with Aiba. Everything was more beautiful than her even her expectations and Meisa finally felt lighter than she had in years. Some things were just not meant for her, and it was okay.  
  
This was probably the art of letting go, she mentally noted, and broke into a giggle.  
  
Sho and Keiko stared at her and Asami raised her eyebrows curiously. Meisa looked up at the tree and reminiscence about the memories growing up together. If Nino took the next step under it, she would definitely follow that pattern.  
  
  
  
  
_{five minutes before}_  
  
“Hi,” Meisa greeted as she took a peek behind the tree. “I’ve been looking for you.”  
  
“Ah,” Ohno replied, finishing his last bite. He smiled sweetly, not being aware of bread flakes on the corner of his mouth.  
  
Meisa placed her hand tentatively on Ohno’s cheek. When Ohno didn’t move, she wiped it clean for him. Ohno beamed and Meisa’s heart swelled.  
  
“Another success wedding,” Ohno congratulated her with passion, almost at the same time as Meisa asked, “Do you want to dance?”  
  
For a split second, Ohno just stood there, blinking. Meisa was about to let the hand down, wondering if she had captured all the signals wrong when Ohno teased her, “So we can swing to the music, lips whispering promises and secrets only we can hear, and forget about everything else but each other for a moment?”  
  
It was her turn to be startled.  
  
There was hope in Ohno’s eyes and Meisa’s lips broke into a smile. It was important, she guessed, to declare your purpose from the very start. “Perhaps we could if you promise to draw it to on the cups later.” She tried to bargain.  
  
“Or we could continue the wall.”  
  
Ohno said it like a suggestion, but Meisa knew it was a promise. Her mind was taken to the very first day of their meeting. It was a different kind of story, but no less important.  
  
She caught her breath and touched Ohno’s face, softer this time. “Or we could do that, yeah.”  
  
This was not the dream she had always wanted but it was close.  
  
Ohno offered his hand and so they walked to the dance floor together, hands tangled.


End file.
